Some names have no meaning and some names mean absolutely everything to and about the bearer of the name. Our name falls into the latter category. Despite the more popular acronym, WTF! stands for Worth The Fight!
The origins of our name began with someone that I love to the moon and back, who was struggling with depression. This person was cutting themselves and trying to mask their pain with drugs and alcohol, and attempted suicide before I realized what was going on with them.
Life isn’t easy for a Chiari family. From the moment that I was told that my head and neck pain wasn’t just pain, but something wrong with my brain, everything in our family changed. Everything became centered on me.
“Don’t stress mom out.” “Let mom rest.” “Can’t you see how much pain she’s in?”
Surgery came just weeks after diagnosis for me. It was in hopes that I could become the wife and mother that I once was, the wife and mother that my family so desperately needed me to be. Two years after decompression, I had a revision to fix a pseudomeningocele (leak) with an SP shunt (Subgaleo-peritoneal). It was about a month after this second brain surgery that I realized that there was much more going on in my house than I’d ever dreamed.
It was just after 2 am when there was a bone-chilling pounding on our front door. It was the kind of pounding that would awaken even the heaviest of sleepers – the kind of pounding that you’d never forget. My husband and I rushed to the front room, greeted by siren lights and multiple people shining flashlights into our windows. It was a firetruck, an ambulance, and the police. We opened the door and one of the officers informed us that they had reason to believe that our daughter had attempted suicide. Words could never express the feelings that I had as I ran desperately to her room unsure about what I’d find when I opened the door. She was alive, but incoherent and unaware of her surroundings. The officer intervened to assess her condition, asking if she was able to get up and come out of her room to talk. The one officer talked to her and another two pulled us aside to talk to us, as the paramedics stood by. Everything was surreal. How could I concentrate on hearing and answering questions when I didn’t even know if our daughter was going to live or die? The officer explained that she had called a friend after taking pills with wine or champagne. The friend told his mom and together they called the police while he continued talking with her. She had initially told this friend that she was in a park across town, so the police had been scouring the park looking for an overdosed teenage girl, and when they couldn’t find her, they pinged her cell phone which led them to our home just in the nick of time. My emotions raced. How could this be when she had come to our room earlier that night, looking tired, telling us how much she loved us, and that she was going to bed? (We should have known that something was wrong, but again, I had been so lost in my own world that I couldn’t see all that my children were going through at the time.) After assessing our daughter, the attempt was deemed “credible and in immediate need of emergency care,” and she was transported by ambulance to the county hospital emergency room.
My husband and I followed in our car. At the hospital, we were informed that she had taken multiple doses of my husband’s blood pressure medications and multiple doses of my opioids. The doctors said that the first concern was her heart, “if” she survived through the night. The next concern would be liver toxicity since the opioids all contained Tylenol. And that if she survived and made it through those steps and deemed stable, she would be held on a 5150 (Involuntary Psychiatric Hold). While we prayed at her side her blood pressure dropped down to the lower 50s/20s. We called for the doctor and they told us that there was nothing more they could do (it was too late to try to pump her stomach), she would either survive the night or wouldn’t. They told us to try to keep her awake, so we walked laps around the ER every single time her blood pressure dropped in an attempt to keep her awake. I don’t know how I held up my head that night, I was running on pure adrenaline at the thought of losing my only daughter. She survived the night and while we still had to wait for the toxicity reports on the liver tests, they allowed us to walk with her over to the Psychiatric Department of the hospital.
After a twenty-four-hour evaluation, our daughter was moved to a San Francisco hospital for a week-long intensive therapy program. We couldn’t visit her for the first few days. We were limited to scheduled phone conversations. At first, she just wanted us to go get her. It’s incredibly hard as a parent to be in a position where you legally cannot just take your child home. But we knew she needed help beyond what we could offer, and eventually, she realized that she needed that too.
Over the week, she worked on herself and we worked on creating a safer environment for her to come home to (they actually have a checklist when something like this happens involving a teen). I won’t go into all the details of how we tried to safeguard our home and family after realizing that Chiari hadn’t simply set out to steal just from me physically, but its attack extended to our entire family in every way. But there was a website that I happened by that really caught my attention.
I happened upon a story “To Write Love On Her Arms” by Jamie Tworkowski. It’s a story of a group of friends learning how to fiercely love a friend struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. They would write the word “LOVE” on her arms; the same arms that she had been carving the words, “FUCK UP” on. They figured that if she went to cut her arms again, she’d be reminded how greatly loved she really was.
Chronic pain conditions (such as Ehlers-Danlos, Chiari Malformation, and the other comorbids) can take a toll on us and how we think, how we see our future and the value that we see us having in this world. As we see ourselves become increasingly dependent on our family members, we see the burden that it places on them, and it hurts. We know that they say that we’re ‘not a burden,’ but we see it. When we hear those that we love, deny that a burden exists, we know they’re just saying that because they love us. “It’s nothing,” they tell us. IT’S NOT NOTHING! IT’S EVERYTHING! BECAUSE THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO US! Perhaps it would be healthier to say that ‘we’re worth the burden,’ instead. No mother can deny that having a newborn baby is a burden of love. It’s absolutely exhausting, but we know that despite the burden, no matter how hard it gets, that little baby in our weary arms is absolutely worth the work! (Just like my daughter and all that she went through, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t have given to see her through it. She was worth it!” And as I continued with my fight, I realized that I was too and if we were going to fight to win this battle, we had to have very real conversations about my fight. My family had to be allowed [encouraged even] to admit that they get exhausted without fear of hurting me or offending me. It enabled us as a family to put the blame on my conditions so that it was Chiari that has robbed us, not me. It had robbed all of us, and we weren’t going to play games and put it on anything or anyone else. We were going to fight back as a family. So if anyone has a problem with our name or our acronym, I’m perfectly okay with letting that be THEIR PROBLEM.
If you have a family member struggling with EDS/Chiari/Comorbids, whatever, you’re going to have to strengthen one another. WE HAVE TO STOP DENYING THE MAGNITUDE OF THE FIGHT, acknowledge it (every part of it), and fight back as a family, where every single person in that family KNOWS (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that they’re WORTHY! That even if we as a family must go to the ends of the earth together, it’s worth it, because each of us is WORTH THE FIGHT! And if someone forgets, write it on their arm to remind them!
This article is dedicated to my daughter, MyKaella, who taught me what it means to live knowing that we’re WTF! I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become and the woman that you helped me to become!
‘Twas the night before Christmas and despite the sleeping spouse, there was still one stirring in the Chiarian’s house. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care as she hoped despite the pain, she’d be able to be there. The family was nestled all snug in their beds, while fear of disappointment danced through her head.
While everyone’s talking about holiday cheer and how there’s laughter in the air, for the chronic pain patient it’s not that easy to get into the holiday spirit. We remember the happier holidays of the past and all that people want to see in us, but there are so many thoughts acting as obstacles in our path.
Will I have the spoons (energy) that I need to make it through the day? We speak of energy in terms of spoons (The Spoon Theory, by Christine Miserandino). We know what it was like to have normal levels of energy to accomplish tasks and how much more energy every task requires now that our bodies went crazy. You don’t appreciate the energy it takes to get ready for something until you need a nap after every shower you take.
What will I do if I experience a pain flare and how will everyone else respond to me if I do? Almost worse than the pain itself is living in fear of the pain, especially when we know how it seems to ruin everything for everyone, not just us. For the patient and their family, they know far too well how pain can ruin even the most important of occasions. And for the patient, we know the look on the faces of those we love when we have to cancel or depart early. It’s one thing to see those faces a time or two in a lifetime, but it’s a lot harder when it happens time and time again, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Will I be able to engage? People rarely realize how much time we really spend alone (or at least alone in our thoughts). We think about so many things. Should I tell them about what I’m facing? Should I answer how I’m really feeling, or just say, “I’m fine”? Am I talking too much about my conditions? Is it just me and my brain, or is it them? Are my feelings about this even rational? Am I losing my mind? Most of these thoughts are actually healthy thoughts, but when we second guess engaging with the world and live in constant fear of offending, it becomes detrimental to the way we see our value on this earth.
How many days of pain will I experience after the holiday is over? We’ve learned from those times that we’ve tried to “push through the pain,” that this will be a factor nearly 100% of the time. While the healthier us could push through the pain, that often backfires when it comes to chronic pain. After a few hours of festivities (no matter how light the festivities seem to be), our nervous systems usually respond to the stress with inflammation and pain (which can last several days or even weeks).
Will I live up to what’s expected of me or am I going to let down everyone I love, yet again? Even when nobody around us expects much from us, there’s always a part of us that still longs to be like our former selves – to have the strength and energy that we once had. The truth is, despite everything we’ve been through, we want to be more for those that we love. Our lives were forever altered and reconciling that with a lifetime of dreams isn’t easy. We’re not feeling sorry for ourselves, we’re mourning and trying to adapt to the reality of all that we face. It hasn’t been easy on our families either, they’re in mourning too. Chiari/comorbids have stolen hopes and dreams from all of us, but we don’t have to let it dominate us. We can figure it all out together and be a stronger family for it!
It’s hard having a chronic illness that isn’t all that understood.
As patients, we have to fight on absolutely every level!
Before diagnoses, we fight for someone to hear us when:
We explain to them that our neck is to weak to hold up our head.
We’re trying to hold our heads up with our hands when laying back isn’t an option.
Our necks start spasming to the point that we feel like we’ve been internally decapitated.
We have to ride in the front seat to try and minimize the car sickness.
We suddenly can’t balance to walk.
Our eyes start twitching beyond what could ever be considered normal.
We aren’t able to do what we could just a short time ago, or even a few hours ago.
That we want to scream and cry because of the pain, but we know it will only make it worse.
We go to say something and can’t find the right word because it just isn’t in our memory bank at that moment.
We spontaneously can’t read because we have double vision, blurred vision, or our eyes wont stop jerking around to focus, yet an hour later we’re fine.
We explain that doctors not knowing what’s wrong doesn’t mean that nothing is wrong (even when they say nothing is wrong).
Around diagnoses, we fight to:
Process the magnitude of what we’re facing.
Learn all we can so we’re prepared for the important decisions before us.
Find the right doctors who are knowledgeable and trained in our condition(s).
Fight to be stoic when we know that it’s not just our bodies enduring all of this – something is breaking in our souls and we’re fighting to not let it change us for the worse.
When our doctors continue to dismiss our symptoms, we need our friends and families to understand:
That we’re still the same wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother, aunt/uncle, and/or friend that you’ve known and loved for all these years, and we need you now more than ever!
That decompression is not a cure! In fact it typically fails to relieve symptoms over the long term nearly 50% of the time when pathological conditions aren’t treated beforehand.
The Important Questions to Ask Your Neurosurgeon [Revised]
Most Chiarians go to see a surgeon with an expectation of them being knowledgeable in their field. However, while they might be a neurosurgeon, their knowledge of Chiari and its comorbid/pathological conditions might not rank high in their practice. Make the most of your initial appointment by interviewing them and what they really know about Chiari Malformations. Be cautious of inflated success rates. Chiari decompression in general offers a just over a 50% success rate (which means it has a nearly 50% failure rate). Surgeons that claim a 100% (or near 100% success rate) are usually not basing their success on how their patients feel afterward, it is based on if they were successful with the aspects of the surgery: Removal of the occipital bone ✓ Opening the dura and adding the patch/graft ✓ Laminectomy ✓ Cauterization/resection of cerebellar tonsils ✓
WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!
HERE IS A LIST OF CHIARI QUESTIONS WE RECOMMEND ASKING AT YOUR FIRST NEUROSURGERY APPOINTMENT:
General Questions:
How do you define a Chiari Malformation?
What do you believe causes a Chiari malformation?
Are all Chiari malformations from a small posterior fossa?
Do I have a small posterior fossa? If yes, how big is it? If size is unknown, was my posterior fossa measured? If not, why not? How did you come to the conclusion that I have a small posterior fossa?
How common do you believe Acquired Chiari malformations to be?
Do you always recommend decompression surgery for all of your patients with herniated cerebellar tonsils? Why/why not?
In an average month, how many Chiari decompressions do you perform? How many tethered cord releases? How many craniocervical fusions? What percentage of your practice is spent treating patients with these connective tissue related conditions?
Looking at my brain scan, is any part of my “brainstem” herniated (below the posterior fossa)? If so, does that make me a Chiari 1.5?
Intracranial Hypotension (low pressure) Questions: *Article to help you understand CSF Leaks & Intracranial Hypotension prior to your appointment. If you have SYMPTOMS OF LOW INTRACRANIAL PRESSURE and/or suspect a cerebrospinal fluid leak, we recommend asking the following questions:
S.E.E.P.S.
Looking at my brain scan, do you see any Subdural fluid collections?
Looking at my brain scan, do you see an Enhancement of pachymeninges?
Looking at my brain scan, do you see an Engorgement of my venous structures? Should we do an MRV to make sure?
Looking at my brain scan, does my Pituitary appear to be enlarged?
Looking at my brain scan, does my brain appear to be Sagging?
Looking at my corpus callosum:
Does there appear to be a depression?
Is there an inferior pointing of the splenium?
If he/she answers affirmatively to any of the above S.E.E.P.S. questions, ask:
What should be done to find/repair a potential leak?
Are you aware that it is common for CSF Leaks to not show up on MRI?
Are you willing to do a CT Myelogram and/or a digital subtraction myelogram, if I develop symptoms of a leak and none can be found on MRI?
Are you aware that it can often take multiple epidural blood patches to try and seal a leak, and sometimes when a blood patch fails to work, a surgical dural repair might be necessary?
Intracranial Hypertension (high pressure) Questions: *Article to help you understand Intracranial Hypertension prior to your appointment. If you have SYMPTOMS OF HIGH INTRACRANIAL PRESSURE, we recommend asking the following questions:
Looking at my brain scan, do I have cerebrospinal fluid in my sella turcica (Empty Sella Syndrome)?
Looking at my brain scan, do you see any evidence of my optic nerves are swollen (papilledema)?
If so, should I be referred to a neuro-ophthalmologist?
Looking at my brain scan, do my lateral ventricles appear small or flattened?
If so, do I need to have my pressures checked?
If yes, are you aware of the risks of developing a CSF Leak from a lumbar puncture?
What are the symptoms of a CSF Leak, should one develop?
What is your plan of action if I should develop these leak symptoms?
Are you aware that it is common for CSF Leaks to not show up on MRI?
Are you willing to do a CT Myelogram if I develop symptoms of a leak, and none can be found on MRI?
Should a leak be found, are you aware that it can often take multiple epidural blood patches to try and seal a leak?
Tethered Cord Questions: *Article to help you understand Tethered Cord: Sorry, Coming Soon. If you have SYMPTOMS OF TETHERED CORD, we recommend asking the following questions:
Looking at my brain/cervical scan, does my brainstem appear to be elongated?
Looking at my cervical scan, does my spinal cord appear to be stretched?
Looking at my lumbar scan, does my conus reach my mid/low L2?
Looking at my thoracic and lumbar scan, does my spinal cord appear to be pulling to the back, or one particular side?
If so, should we do a prone MRI to see if it has actually adhered to that side?
Looking at my lumbar scan, do I appear to have fatty tissue inside the epidermis?
If the answer to any of these questions is affirmative, do you suspect that I have a tethered spinal cord?
If so, should we plan for a Tethered Cord Release before or soon after decompression surgery, so the likelihood of a failed decompression is reduced?
If I have urological issues, can I get a referral for urodynamic testing to rule out any other potential causes of my urological issues?
Craniocervical Instability (CCI) & Atlantoaxial Instability (AAI): *Article to help you understand CCI & AAI prior to your appointment. If you have SYMPTOMS OF CRANIOCERVICAL INSTABILITY or SYMPTOMS OF ATLANTOAXIAL INSTABILITY, we recommend asking the following questions:
Looking at my brain/cervical scans, what are the measurements of my clivoaxial angle and Grabb-Oakes?
Do these measurements meet the diagnostic criteria for Craniocervical Instability?
Looking at my flexion and extension imaging, how many millimeters of translation are there between flexion and extension?
Does Chamberlain’s Line cross my odontoid? If so, does it cross at a level that would indicate Basilar Invagination?
Looking at my rotational imaging, what is the percentage of uncovering of the right and left articular facets on rotation?
Do the percentages from my rotational imaging meet the diagnosis criteria for Atlantoaxial Instability?
IF A DIAGNOSIS CRITERIA IS MET IN ANY OF THE ABOVE, WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU WAIT ON DECOMPRESSION AND PURSUE THE TREATMENT OF SAID CONDITION(S) AND THAT OF EHLERS-DANLOS SYNDROME, AS EACH OF THESE CONDITIONS CAN BE PATHOLOGICAL TO AN ACQUIRED CHIARI AND EACH IS A STRONG INDICATOR THAT A CONNECTIVE TISSUE PROBLEM EXISTS.
*The questions in this article will periodically change as we are able to expand our recommended questions.
*Original version released September 2018, revised 2023.
Hospitals and imaging centers in the United States are required to give you a copy of your imaging if you request it.
Many hospitals and imaging centers will give a copy of your MRI on disk or flash drive immediately after your appointment, but they do this as a courtesy and not as a requirement. (Keep in mind that you will still have to wait for a copy of your radiology report and might need to ask for a copy of that separately.)
Those that refuse to give you a copy immediately following your appointment must have procedures in place on how to obtain them. It will generally involve you, or your caretaker with medical power of attorney, contacting the facility’s records department and filling out a specific request form. Many states allow them to charge a minimal charge (usually no more than a few dollars), but most facilities will give at least one free copy. Some can have it ready in a matter of hours after making the request, while others can take up to two to three weeks. Some are willing to mail it to your home and others will require you to pick it up at their Patient Records Dept. (Different countries have different requirements, but most modern countries have procedures in place to request a copy.)
In the United States, records of imaging are legally allowed to be destroyed after a period of time (usually 7 years or less, depending on the state). For this reason, we recommend that you get a copy of all available MRIs and keep a copy for yourself and because disks are so easily destructible, we encourage you to back all of the contents up onto a hard drive and then store the disk away for safe-keeping. Never send anyone the original disk. Make copies as needed and send the copies.
Making homemade stockings and cutting flowers for wreaths.
Baking treats and devouring them with hot cocoa by the tree that we spent hours decorating.
Shopping for just the right gifts and wrapping them meticulously, so those I love know just how special they are.
I remember all the traditions that we did together as a family before my symptoms hit hard.
Now, I am reduced to shopping the internet for gifts, but still, I do the best I can to find something special.
I usually start out trying to help decorate, just to end up on the couch watching everyone do what I can no longer do.
I sit here and watch despite the pain I feel from the few decorations I put on the tree because I so want to stay a part of things as much as I can, while I can, even if it’s nothing more than a shadow of what I once was.
Do they know how much I still long to be a part of it all? How much I long to be a part of them?
I sit here and as I ponder how much things have changed and all that I am now, I find myself stuck in my head.
Do they see how stuck I am?
Do they see how afraid I am, that each holiday might be the last that I have with them, and they have with me?
I’ve got to get out of my head and be present.
The best present that I can give them really is just me, fully engaged in showing them that they’re the best that has ever happened to me!
If you decide to post your MRIs for Nonprofessional Opinions (NPOs) at WTF, please make sure that your post/images adhere to the following guidelines. Requests that do not meet our guidelines will be removed by an admin.
PLEASE MAINTAIN 100% PRIVACY TOWARDS THOSE TRYING TO HELP YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE. We have very strict privacy rules in this group. All images and comments given should be kept in the group or used privately by the owner of the image. Some members that give NPOs are okay with their input being shared, but it is the responsibility of the owner of the image to get permission from the person giving the NPOs before sharing them and all names should be edited out of all screenshots. Violating this rule will most likely result in an IMMEDIATELY removed/blocked from the group/site.
IMAGES SHARED MUST BE YOURS OR BELONG TO SOMEONE IN YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. Members are not allowed to share the images of their friends outside of this group. Violating this rule will be considered a breach of our privacy rules and will result in the member being IMMEDIATELY removed/blocked from the group/site.
WE DO NOT ALLOW PHOTOGRAPHS OF MRIs. Photographs of images often contain glares, slants, and other problems that can compromise the image. We want you to get the best information possible here and we don’t want people going on a wild goose chase because the images were compromised in the first place. That will only make your doctors further disregard what you bring up to them.
IN GENERAL, WE PRIMARILY PREFER SAGITTAL VIEWS:
Sagittal views are slices taken from one side to the other, viewing it from the left perspective. While sagittal is our preference, other views can be helpful as well:
Coronal views for instance are slices taken from the front to the back (so the left is really the right and vice-versa) and if you find the right slice, it can show if one cerebellar tonsil is lower than the other (it is also better for showing scoliosis).
Axial views are slices from the top to the bottom, so they can be instrumental in finding leaks (especially when contrast was used), but since a leak can be cranial or spinal and can happen anywhere along the way, you have to go through them closely one slice at a time.
ALL IMAGES MUST BE PROPER MIDSLICES: When we talk about midslices, we’re NOT talking about the middle slice on the disk (although it is often close to that), we’re talking about the image showing the middle section of your head/neck/spine.
What you need to look for:
A midslice of the brain (example) should clearly show an unobstructed view of three bones: the clivus, the occipital bone, and the odontoid process.
A midslice of the cervical spine (example) should show the same three bones, but they will be slightly higher on the image.
A midslice of the thoracic spine (example) should show the vertebrae and full spinal cord. When scoliosis is present, you will see the spinal cord clearly at one point and then almost disappear (and sometimes you will see it come back into clear view – depending on the location of the curves of the scoliosis).
The spinal cord does not go as low as the vertebrae in the spinal column. The point in which it ends is called the conus medullaris and from there what continues down into the lumbar region is called the filum terminale. A midslice of the lumbar spine (example) should show the point where the spinal cord ends (conus medullaris) and the filum terminale begins.
*We do make one exception to images being midslice and that is if there is the presence of a mass (cyst/tumor) or lesion (any of which can be anywhere in the brain and may not be visible in the midslice). If that is the only image given, that is the only thing that we will be commenting on (we will not pretend that it is a midslice and comment on it as though it was).
T2 WEIGHTED IS PREFERRED, BUT T1 IS PERMITTED AS WELL:
On a T1 weighted image, the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) is dark gray or black.
On a T2 weighted image, the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) is light gray or white. Having the CSF show up as white creates a better contrast that makes it easier to see certain things (such as intervertebral disc issues).
Image Size: Small images make it hard for us to see what we’re looking for and even harder for us to try and mark what we see. Therefore, all images submitted should be cropped into a minimum of 500-800px. To accomplish this, please open the images full screen on your PC and either save them to size or use your snipping tool to snip them while they are large. Please DO NOT simply enlarge the picture as it reduces resolution that can compromise what can be seen.
NPO Markup with the Admin Think Tank: The Nonprofessional Opinion (NPO) Request Form is required for all markup requests with the Admin Think Tank (no exceptions). Once you’ve submitted the form, you will be added to the waiting list (which is in our Facebook group), and an admin will contact as your name gets close to the top of the list.
As I sit down to update my journey, I am crushed that we’re still figuring things out (and nothing really was as I was initially told it would be), yet at the same time, I’m so thankful that we’re continuing to figure things out. Nobody should have to fight a fight like this (every symptom, every diagnosis), but all of this just increases my resolve to change it before anyone else in my family (or yours) is having to fight it! What we fail to change in our generation, our children and their children will face in theirs!
Looking back, I have always had symptoms of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). As a child, I was in the school nurse’s office for stomach problems at least once a week. I was “double-jointed” and my friends always asked me to do maneuvers that I thought everyone should really be able to do if they tried. I was athletic early on, a tom-boy. I particularly loved playing softball (or baseball with tennis balls was the absolute best), but my ankles rolled when I started to run. Despite the fact that I was the only player that twisted their ankle multiple times in every game, I didn’t think there was really anything abnormal about me. Later, as an adult, I had repeated miscarriages and complications in all of my pregnancies, but the doctors conveniently came up with different explanations for each “rare occurrence.” It couldn’t possibly be all those rare mishaps, but EDS explained it all.
My mother passed away from a brain aneurysm the day after my 18th birthday. She was just 37 years old when she died. As a child she had a lazy eye and scoliosis of the spine, so an eye patch and back brace were a normal part of her childhood attire. She suffered from migraines throughout her adulthood, but nothing was more tale-telling than reading her journal after she passed, with multiple entries about repeated headaches and neck pain. Decades after her death, my maternal grandmother (my mother’s mother) developed multiple brain aneurysms over the course of a decade. Each time one appeared, she had it filled with titanium coils. I always admired her fight for life.
The first headaches that I remember started immediately after giving birth to my first son in 1992. It was a cesarean section at an Army hospital in Fort Ord, California. Instead of an epidural, they gave me three spinal injections to numb me from the chest down. At my postpartum check-up, I complained of daily headaches when upright. My primary care doctor ordered a CT scan, but because it was just a few years after my mom had died they looked only for brain aneurysms and found none. I was still having those orthostatic headaches six months later.
The Accident that Shook Everything
In 2000, I was a Bible College student and stay-at-home mom of three happy and active children (ages 8, 5, and 2). One September night, I was in a car accident that changed all of our lives. My neck was never the same again. My initial symptoms were head/neck pain, but all radiology reports indicated that everything was “unremarkable.” I tried everything they offered to me: rest, acupuncture, acupressure, steroid injections, osteopathic and chiropractic care, nerve stimulation units, physical therapy, pain meds, etc. Nothing worked long-term. Then in 2005, my neurological problems started intensifying. I began having bouts of partial paralysis in my legs and hands. I would just wake up one morning and out of the blue, I would have no fine motor skills. I would wake up feeling as though I had no thigh muscles to support me when I walked or tried to step up a step, and I had difficulty coordinating my footsteps. My primary care doctor at the time did blood tests and concluded that my “potassium level was on the low side of normal, so it must have been from potassium shock,” and he thought that no other tests were warranted. I started having vertigo whenever I was at any elevated height, even just a step or two up, like my brain couldn’t figure out how to balance with visual changes in height (I’d take a step up or down like the step was much higher or lower than it actually was). I also started having noticeable memory issues and intermittent trouble processing information. They tested to see if I was having small seizures in my sleep. When that was ruled out, they referred me to the memory clinic for further cognitive testing. They had no cognitive baseline to compare my results to, but said that I “tested higher than 89% of the population, so I should be happy,” and that I should just try reducing stress in case it was stress-related. They didn’t understand that it didn’t matter to me “how I compared to others.” I was only 34 years old and something was very wrong with me; I wanted answers that had nothing to do with the general population. In 2006, my eyes started twitching all day, every day, until the muscles just wore out and I could no longer hold them open completely. Oddly, one of my college professors inquired about my eyes and recommended that I have it investigated because it “could be neurological in origin.” When I did talk to my doctor about it, he saw the recommendations of the Memory Clinic and attributed it to stress as well, without any testing.
My Chiari Diagnosis
Finally, in 2010, ten years after the car accident, another MRI was done at my insistence to check for aneurysms once again (because I still was having excruciating head/neck pain and trouble holding my head up). I received an email from my primary care doctor that they found a cause of all of my symptoms. It was a condition called Chiari Malformation and the neurosurgery department would be contacting me to make an appointment. The neurosurgeon (who became my neurosurgeon) checked through my MRIs and said that the Chiari Malformation was evident on my first MRI after the accident ten years earlier. I was told that it was congenital and that it is commonly believed to be a result of prenatal drug use or lack of proper prenatal care (which was devastating to hear, but not all that unlikely as I was born in 1971. It also ended up being very wrong “textbook information” that they tell us all). Desperate for a measure of relief, I underwent a full decompression surgery a few weeks later. Missing the fact that part of my brain was in my spinal canal was 100% the hospital’s fault, but in hindsight, I really wish that I had done more research before surgery. I had comorbid conditions (many of which my doctors hadn’t even heard of, didn’t fully understand, and more importantly, they didn’t know the connection between these comorbids and my herniated tonsils). Initially, I felt quite a bit better. The release of pressure in my head helped my headaches. It was short lived though. Those undiagnosed comorbids caused my decompression to ultimately fail, although it all unfolded over several years.
Post-op Complication: Pseudomeningocele
When I was released from the hospital following decompression surgery, I was instructed not to lift, push, or pull anything for two weeks so that my dura patch would have a chance to adhere. The problem was, I could feel fluid squeezing out of the patch far beyond that two-week limit. I developed a pseudomeningocele (blue box above), which can be normal immediately after surgery before the dura adheres, but as long as there is no active leak, the body should absorb the fluid and the pseudomeningocele should quickly resolve. My neurosurgeon tapped some of the fluid out with a syringe twice and we waited patiently to see if it would subside on its own. It did not subside and in December 2012 (just over two years post-decompression), I developed acute vertigo. Everything was spinning and rocking, non-stop. It didn’t matter if my eyes were open or closed. I was waking up vomiting in my sleep from the dizziness. I couldn’t walk at all without falling hard to my right. I had no sense of balance at all and it didn’t just come and go, it was constant. Another MRI was done and it showed that my cerebellum was absorbing the fluid from the pseudomeningocele (so the cerebrospinal fluid was inside my brain, not just surrounding it; see light blue circle in image above). The decision was made to put in a subgaleo-peritoneal shunt (SP shunt), which runs from the pseudomeningocele to my peritoneum. They expected that it might take up to six months to fully drain from my cerebellum, but I woke up from the anesthesia with no signs of vertigo. I believe this surgery saved my life, but as with all shunts (especially amongst those with EDS, which I had not yet been diagnosed with), the shunt was destined to cause problems all by itself.
My Many Shunt Revisions
In April 2013, an unrelated CT Scan revealed that my shunt was no longer in my peritoneum. My NS scheduled for a general surgeon to “tie in” my shunt so it would not happen again (surgery #3). We went several months without complication until that November. The tied in shunt pulled out of my peritoneum again (it was excruciating). Hoping gravity would help in the matter, my NS did an incision just under my right rib cage and dropped it down into my peritoneum (surgery #4). Shortly thereafter, radiologist reports started showing a concern for the location of my brain and I was diagnosed with “Sagging Brain Syndrome.” So my six-week post-op appointment (which my NS did faithfully after every surgery) became my pre-op appointment for my 5th related surgery. This time a non-adjustable valve was attached to the shunt (at my chest) in hopes that by slowing down the amount of CSF being drained by the shunt, my head could retain more fluid and my brain could once again lift and become buoyant. Five months later I developed a hernia and upon closer examination (during surgery), it was found that my peritoneum was literally falling apart from all the trauma of the shunts; so my hernia removal surgery became a reconstruction surgery where my abdominal wall was pulled together with mesh, while carefully ensuring that the shunt didn’t come out (surgery #6). The shunt never moved again. As my brain continued to sag, the choice was made to replace the valve with an adjustable valve and in November of that same year, I was having surgery #7. The valve was adjusted to its slowest possible setting in hopes of finding a balance where it drained enough to keep the hydrocephalus at bay, yet retain enough CSF to lift my brain and keep it lifted and out of my spinal canal (so we could establish flow to the spinal canal and avoid the possibility of a syrinx).
Diagnosis: Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
Despite my concerns that I might have a connective tissue issue and being told over-and-over again that I “didn’t look like someone with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome,” I was finally diagnosed with it in May 2015. After finally finding a neurologist who understood the role that our connective tissues can have in a Chiari Malformation, I was given a referral to a geneticist. It still wasn’t as easy as it should be though. The geneticist did not know much about Chiari or Ehlers-Danlos related conditions (although he didn’t initially admit to that), so I had no idea at that point what was and was not related, and neither did my doctors. I received a call from the geneticist’s assistant and I agreed to send her pictures of my hypermobile maneuvers from the Beighton Scale. I could do all but bend over and put my hands flat on the floor with my knees straight, but I was able to do that when I was younger (and thinner). I was given a 9/9 on the Beighton Scale and was told that he would just mark my chart as diagnosed “hypermobile” and that he didn’t need to see me. I honestly didn’t know any better at this point, but I was about to learn something very important. I sat there thinking about what this “hypermobile” diagnosis would mean for me and decided to look more into EDS for myself. I read about the high risk of aneurysms, organ tearing, miscarriages, etc. and I was back on the phone with that assistant within twenty minutes. She asked if she could call me back, and within the hour the geneticist had decided that he needed to see me. He set up an appointment with me within twenty-four hours and asked if it was okay if he had a few others (doctors and medical students) there as well, since they’re a training hospital and they “don’t really come across patients with Ehlers-Danlos” (he should have told me that from the beginning). I agreed. Despite his lack of knowledge on EDS related comorbidities, he did know exactly where on my body to look for characteristics of EDS (all of which I thought I didn’t have). For instance, my skin isn’t unusually elastic, except in my upper arms and upper thighs. My skin isn’t translucent (I’m olive complected), except for on my breasts, back, and inner forearms. My skin isn’t unusually soft, except on my back. Now concerned that I might have Vascular Type EDS (vEDS), he decided to have me tested for that. The test was easy on my part but expensive on theirs. They drew blood and had it refrigerated and shipped to a lab in Washington state. It took thirty days for them to make sure that there was no mutation in my COL3A1 (collagen 3; alpha 1) gene, which has a median mortality age of 48. Initially, I felt devastated, since I was already 44. I decided that I hadn’t fought through all that I had, to only live a few more years. Thirty days later, the test came back indicating that I didn’t have vEDS and by default, I was diagnosed with Hypermobility Type EDS (hEDS). I was relieved, but the geneticist assured me that I still needed to be cautious. Since EDS symptoms are known to cross the type boundaries, and we already knew that vascular complications ran in the family (with the aneurysms) and with me personally (my peritoneum tearing), it technically made me “hEDS with vEDS crossover symptoms” and I’d probably have to explain that to my doctors for the rest of my life, so they remain aware of my potential to have additional vascular problems.
My Poor Mess of a Neck
The electric shock feeling in my spine (Lhermitte’s Sign) that I’d had intermittently for years, became an all-day, everyday thing, and much stronger in intensity. The MRI revealed that the herniated disc I had between my C3/4 was getting worse. The disc was removed with cadaver put in its place and the discs were fused together. My 8th surgery (ACDF = Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion) wasn’t related to Chiari, but it was related to the EDS. We knew that my cervical spine was really bad from the beginning, but it got worse. I am now actually diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease in all three levels of my spine, but my neck has by far taken the brunt of it all. The ACDF, while 100% necessary, compromised the discs adjacent to it, and every disc from C4-7 is either bulging or herniated (Subaxial (cervical) Instability), so additional surgeries are likely to be needed.
Learning to Advocate for Myself
Over the past several years I have become an enthusiast of Chiari related research and MRIs (out of medical necessity more than anything). It became apparent to me that I absolutely needed to know everything that was going on in my body in case my doctors didn’t. When I first started, I’d print out studies and lay in bed with multiple high-lighters. I had such brain fog that I’d lay there crying at the fact that I was reading and rereading the same paragraphs over again, but I knew that I had to learn it despite how impossible it seemed. I prayed a lot for God to help me with my understanding and He did. I also started looking at the medications I was taking, the supplements I was taking, and what the ideal doses were for me (especially those that would help with inflammation and cognition), and other natural remedies. The first thing that I removed was all of the nerve meds that they had me on for peripheral neuropathy. I was maxed out on Nortriptyline (a tricyclic antidepressant) and almost maxed on Gabapentin (both of which had caused me to gain an incredible amount of weight over the years). When I informed my primary care doctor that I wanted to go off of them all, he thought it was a bad idea because of the severity of my neuropathy. I insisted though and asked him to help me to wean myself off of both of them in healthy intervals, and let’s “just see.” With the first down-dose, I physically felt a reduction in inflammation. It took me many months to wean off and get them out of my system, but in hindsight, I think this was the single best decision that I could have made. The longer I was on supplements instead of the nerve meds, the more my brain-fog improved, and I now believe that I have regained all that I’ve lost cognitively and then some.
Syringobulbia
In 2016, I was reviewing some of my old MRIs and I saw a large CSF filled hole in my lower medulla oblongata (lower brainstem). It was obvious in all MRI series since 2015, yet I was told that all was stable. After researching it, I asked my neurologist to take a look and see if it could be Syringobulbia. She referred my question to my neurosurgeon and he confirmed that I had an 11mm cyst in my brain stem. This type of cyst happens when there is a blockage of cerebrospinal fluid and is most frequent when the brain stem is also herniated below the foramen magnum (Chiari 1.5). It explained a lot of the problems that I was having, that we had thought to be unrelated. For instance, and I had a decreased sensitivity to temperature for years, never feeling hot or cold; and never having the automatic reactions that I should have had in response to temperature, like sweating and shivering. I could comfortably be outside in heat above 100° without breaking a sweat, or be outside in shorts and a tank-top when it was a chilly 30° morning without ever shivering. I also developed tachycardia and I am now medicated to keep my heart rate down to a safe level. My neurosurgeon ordered a new MRI in April 2017. The size of the syrinx had decreased to 9mm but was draining down my spinal cord forming an additional syrinx (Syringomyelia).
Consulting a Specialist
After all that I had been through in my fight, in April 2017, I decided to pay out of the pocket and have an online consultation with a Chiari Specialist in New York, who specializes in Chiari with EDS (the best $300 that I’ve spent in my fight). I sent him my pertinent medical records and copies of my MRIs in advance, wanting to find out what my doctor did right, and what he did wrong; and what course of action should be taken at that point. My expectation was that he would give me reasons why I should go to New York to see him, but that’s not at all what he told me. He told me what my doctor did right and that he didn’t disagree with the course of action that my neurosurgeon wanted to take. He said that my brain had sagged as low as it really could, but that since my high/low pressures had balanced out, and I was feeling better than I had in years, my syringes really should dictate our next course of action.
In March 2018, following an exceptional year (at least where my head and neck are concerned) new imaging was done. My neurosurgeon asked me to come in to review it. It gave me a chance to tell him about the specialist’s opinions. My MRI showed that the Syringobulbia had decreased another 2mm. I asked him what that meant for the cervical syrinx, and that had almost completely disappeared. I asked him to go back to my images and correct me if I was wrong, but “the only reason that a syrinx (in either location) would dissipate like that was if I was finally getting CSF flow down my canal (despite my severe brain sag).” He agreed and I think he was a little surprised to see me think on my feet and figure that out in front of him (where I wasn’t having to ask anyone or look it up). He also confirmed that I had an Acquired Chiari, secondary to Intracranial Hypertension. He applauded me for learning all that I had and said that he wished that he had checked my pressures before decompressing me, as it may have changed the course of action that we had taken. And we agreed to wait a year and see where the syringes (syrinxes) are. As I left his office that day, I felt such a sense of relief, that we were finally getting CSF flow like the decompression in 2010 was meant to do.
My Extensive Epidural CSF Collection
In 2022, my neurosurgeon contacted me telling me that he was retiring and he’d like to have one last MRI of my entire spine (he added the brain to the request at my request). Unbeknownst to me, he ordered a CSF Leak Protocol, which consists of less slices, but they’re specifically looking for leaks. The images showed an “extensive extradural CSF collection from C7-L4, consistent with a CSF Leak and probable dural tear or CSF Venous Fistula.” They followed up with a Dynamic CT Myelogram. A Dynamic is different than a regular CT Myelogram, as they do it over 2-3 days, and they insert the contrast little by little into my spinal canal, and watch carefully for it to leave the spinal canal. CSF leaks and dural tears aren’t uncommon amongst Ehlers-Danlos patients, and usually happen in the front or back of the canal. CSF Venous Fistulas on the other hand are a much newer phenomenon, and they usually happen on the sides of the canal (more often on the right side). After two days of grueling tests, they found no active leaks or evidence of fistulas and surmised that what they saw on the MRIs to be “residual artifacts” from a leak that I had in the past… a leak that could have pulled my brain down into my spinal canal in the first place.
It’s been a long road, hard road. I still battle inflammation and I’m definitely not done with surgeries. Eventually, I will need a ventriculoatrial (VA) shunt to hopefully resolve my high-pressure issues and enable us to remove my over-draining SP shunt that is making my brain sag. But for right now, I’m just enjoying feeling so much better! I praise God every step of the way, as I know that He’s there making a way out of no way. I have no idea why He took so long or why others haven’t seen the same results (because He loves them as much as He loves me), but I don’t have to have all the answers. I’ll just praise Him through the course of my journey, as He’s never let me go through it alone!
*I dedicate this story to my family: John (husband), Ron (dad), Johnathan (son), MyKaella (daughter), Jojo (son) and my daughters-in-law, Violet and Sarah. Thank you all for all your help and for standing and kneeling beside me throughout my entire ordeal. You’ve been there for me and loved me through this long haul and I praise God for each and every one of you.
Disclaimer: The information provided on our website is strictly for educational purposes in order to help further the understanding of Chiari and its associated conditions. You should in no way use this site as a replacement for diagnosis, treatment, or medical advice from a qualified medical professional.